When Is A Mother Not A Mother? When She’s a Narcissist
We often assume mothers carry an instinct to nurture, that somehow mothering comes naturally. At the very least, we believe that the women who appear to choose motherhood want to be good mothers or have it in them to do so. A mother may make mistakes, but on balance, love will carry the day.
But when a mother is a narcissist, she’s not a mother; she’s a monster.
Narcissists don’t see their children as sons or daughters but as food. I once saw my younger brother belching at the table loudly. I thought, “Our mother raised us better than that.” Then I realized that no, she hadn’t raised us well at all. She’d raised us to be food.
Narcissists aren’t often psychopaths, but psychopaths are always narcissists. My mother is a covert narcissist and psychopath. She gets food from people’s sympathy and spends her life studying ways to manipulate and harm everyone in her orbit. You won't know if you’re a victim until it’s too late.
My mother meant to kill me. On that last night of my final visit, she drugged me with a paralytic. I couldn’t move, couldn’t feel anything like my entire body had been numbed by novocaine. Whatever she’d used, I’d ingested at dinner, no doubt. I remember my body feeling like it was going dead, my head felt like it was stuffed with cotton, and the last thing I remember hearing was a high-pitched whine in my ears before everything went black.
I’ve written more about the flashbacks I have from the actual attack if you’re interested.
After EMDR I Remembered A Violent Sexual Assault
The pieces of the puzzle come together, and as they do, so do I. I’m healing.
Recently, though, more pieces of the puzzle came together following an EMDR session. The night of the episode, she showed me her true face. She sneered lasciviously at me when I said goodnight, which I’ve always remembered. However, it just occurred to me why she might not be responding to my public posts or sending other family members to do it for her.
The attack happened in 2019. By February of 2020, I’d lost quite a bit of hair, almost half. I could barely get out of bed…